Contrary to popular belief, bottle feeding a baby is not a lazy task. In fact, it is quite the opposite of lazy. I spend every day washing and cleaning bottles - many times a day, actually - and when it comes time to prepare bottles, I have to remember how many ounces I am mixing for. I can't tell you how many times I've dumped a bottle down the drain because I sleepily made a bottle and just wasn't sure how many scoops of formula I put into said bottle and, for fear of watering down my kid, I would start over. When going out for an entire day, I have to calculate how many bottles this kid will need and, of course, pack one extra just in case. If anyone were to tell me I was lazy for bottle feeding my kid, I'd punch them in their lazy mouths.
This scenario was not my choice as you may have read previously, but as a mother, if you're feeding your kid, you're winning. It's that simple.
Aside from the daily regimen that comes with bottle feeding a baby, there is one very specific challenge that I face when it comes to nourishing my kid and that is other people wanting to feed my baby.
Now, I understand that, because we come from such large extended families, everyone and their mother wants a chance to feed the baby. I get asked on several occasions if so-and-so can feed the baby. It's always "can I feed him?" or, sometimes it's not a question, but more of a "well, maybe he'll come to me this time and let me feed him." While the person in question generally means well, I am kind of bothered by it. Why?
If my baby was a breastfed baby, no one would ask "can I feed the baby?" You know why? Right. Because said person most likely doesn't possess the power of being able to make milk from their boobies. (Unless of course you're one of my BFing moms, well, then yeah you technically could, but.....well, no.)
It bothers me because, even though he's bottle fed, I'm still his mother and feeding still is a very precious moment for me. I like doing it and, when I can't, I love that my husband CAN, but here's where it can get complicated.
When I was first home with Nerdlet, I had a really difficult time. My first week home, while surely a joyous occasion, was not without its challenges. I was recovering from a true emergency cesarean birth, dealing with the fact that I was bone dry in the boobie area, and I was just plain tired. I was dealing with the emotional challenges of being a first time mom (Am I going to break this kid? Did I just feed him too much? Did I burp him too hard? Did I make his diaper too tight?) and healing from major surgery. As beautiful was it was to be a mom, I was barely keeping it together. The only people I trusted that week to keep me grounded were my own mother and, of course, my husband. Had my mother not been here to help bottle feed the baby, had my husband not taken over countless night feedings, I would be worse for wear and my kid would be starving. They were, in essence, my saviors.
Cut to 5 months later and yes, yes I am still dealing with the fact that I was not able to breastfeed. It's one of those things that I can deal with better now that some time has passed, but I'll never be over it. It's a thing, and I'm not sure I could very well explain it to anyone else, lest you've been a mother yourself.
So, I bottle feed. To me, that time with him is my time, and just because I have to feed him from a bottle doesn't mean the entire free world should be doing the same. I appreciate extended family wanting to do it to "give me a break," but the fact of the matter is, it's not a break for me. I like doing it. On the weekends, the only person giving me a break is my husband. I'm okay with him feeding our son and I don't think that needs an explanation.
It's complicated because there are very few exceptions to the rule of feeding my kid, and those people know who they are and why. If it's my choice, it's my choice and no one, absolutely no one, has a right to feel slighted for not feeding my baby. I'm his mother. He's my son.
I shouldn't have it any differently than a breastfeeding mother.
I don't think it's great for Nerdlet, either, to be passed around to different arms and such to be fed. That time is, by nature's standards, supposed to be ours.
I've had people feel insulted for my saying no to their wanting to feeding him, and to that I am sorry for whomever it was feeling bad, but I am not sorry for wanting it any other way. I will never be sorry for wanting to feed my child, regardless of the fact that his nourishment comes from a bottle and not from me.
Maybe I'm a little crazy for being so emphatic about this very thing, but if that's a crime, then well, throw me in jail.
That's not to say there aren't moments where I'll pass the kid off with a bottle to someone else. It's those instances that, yes, absolutely, I do need a break. And perhaps that is one of the few perks associated with bottle feeding a baby. But people should know to wait for that cue. Bottle feeding is not always by choice and, in my humble opinion, any feeding momma should have her space respected.
And that's all I have to say about that.
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